10 Rules For Surviving The Christmas Retail War
It’s that time of year again folks, where typically sensible adults descend into public anarchy, fighting over a present that 4 days after Christmas will be consigned to the ever growing cupboard that we dare not mention by name.
Geek McGeekerson brings you 10 Rules For Surviving The Christmas Retail War.
10. Too Good To Be True
Remember the golden rule, if it seems too good to be true…It almost certainly is.
9. Receipts Are Currency
Not exclusively, because you unwittingly bought your seven year old cousin a nightie from Ann Summers “on the sale”. It’s true that buying the correct clothes and gifts at Christmas is tough (and incriminating apparently), for instance, there’s no way of accounting for other extended family members’ buying the same gift, resulting in a dreaded doubler. Save the receipt and save Christmas.
8. Avoid Purchases From Less Reputable Sources
It might seem like bargain at the time, however, when the drone/quad/pony, breaks down two days after Christmas, Honest John from the market will have long disappeared with your cash, leaving you with a worthless receipt scribbled on the back of a Ladbrokes football coupon.
7. Online Is King
Obviously the festive period wouldn’t be the same without having to DDT a 45 year old housewife, battling you for the last Furby in Hamley’s. However if you do decide to stop assaulting middle aged women, just have a look online, you can probably find the gift cheaper, easier and you run less risk of being beaten up by a woman with an unnaturally extensive knowledge of WWE.
6. Last Minute Lunacy
It might seem straight forward but have you ever been to shops on the 23rd and 24th of December? Course you have you’re human, complete madness, people buying things for the sake of buying things. Give yourself plenty of time, why not purchase gifts throughout the month. Then on the 23rd and 24th, you can wander about the shops with that smug look of satisfaction, safe in the knowledge, you have won Christmas.
5. Payday Loans & Credit Cards Are The Devil
Christmas is one day a year, is it really worth paying off your bills until the next.
4. Batteries, Batteries, Batteries…
“Twas the night before Christmas, with all gifts truly wrapped, both parents lay asleep, as calm as the cat. Of a sudden they awoke, torn from their slumber, no batteries were bought, oh no what a blunder.” Remember the Christmas Day batteries.
3. Deliveries Delivery Delayed
An estimated £3.3 billion pounds worth of sales will be purchased online this year. On Black Friday alone, Amazon customers were responsible for 7.4 million orders. Now if you cast your mind back to last year’s widespread backlog of Christmas deliveries. What’s to stop it happening again. No one wants to be the person whose family think Santa and his Reindeer have a vendetta against them.
2. Boxing Day Bargains
Do you really need that gold tinted luxury toilet brush? So what if the dress is four sizes too small. Why of course you need the glow in the dark John Lewis garden gnome set, how else will you be able to see your Homebase £100 washing line, (reduced from £400) at night? If you weren’t going to purchase the item in the first place, then sadly you’re not picking up a bargain, you’re actually spending money. Don’t let the adverts fool you.
1. Santa Stipulation
Of course the most important Christmas rule has to be, remembering to leave Santa a mince pie and sherry, and a carrot for Rudolph. If you forget that, then all the other rules are meaningless. No mince pies and carrots, no presents.