Welcome to Geekly News, a weekly segment of Geek McGeekerson, expect literally everything and anything that has appeared in the world of science and technology to be thrown at you. Enjoy, fellow geeks.

visual

Well it seems we’re all doomed, because a computer programme has successfully defeated the visual version of the Turing Test. The test’s basic parameters are to convince participating scientists that the “person” drawing the images is indeed a human being and not a computer. Or what we also like to describe as the first embryo escaping the digital version of the primordial soup, casually evolving into becoming the all killing, all red eyed horror that is the Terminator, eventually ruling as Skynet. (Technically Skynet was created first but we’ll save time paradoxes for later.)

arnold

Speaking of a Terminator, The Governator himself Arnold Schwarzenegger released a pretty damning article on his Facebook page criticising anybody who’s attempting to disrupt the ongoing Paris Climate Change Summit. He sums it up perfectly when he compares earth to an airtight room, one room has a car with a typical emission releasing engine and another room has a car with an electric, emission free engine. You must stand in one of these airtight, sealed rooms for an undetermined amount of time. He asks which room would you chose?

Climate change deniers

Although surely anybody who attempts to deny climate change only needs to switch on BBC News, it will be hard to deny that human beings and their over indulgence for fossil fuels are influencing the planet’s temperature, causing insane weather patterns. BBC News is pretty much being broadcast from a underwater submersible and the next Songs of Praise in Cumbria is being performed on a barge floating along a burst river in the Lake District. But still, there’s no real proof is there?

elon musk

Sadly, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Elon Musk, responsible for PayPal, the burgeoning interstellar travel space industry, supersonic travel, electric cars and almost certainly the coolest man alive, this week, has become so disenchanted with the ridiculous failing of human beings as a species, he actually wishes that he could die on Mars. Musk said “it will be a shame that I will be dead on earth, before they can colonise Mars, if I could chose one place to die it would be Mars.” It seems wise to be considerate with the psychological well being of Mr Musk, he’s only one charity appeal/global warming report/Tony Stark comparison away from going full James Bond villain and holding the world to ransom.

Three scientists examining samples in a laboratory

Luckily it seems that before too long everyone will be dead on earth anyway. Biological scientists, this week, in both China and Denmark discovered that our “last resort antibiotic” polymyxin, is slowly becoming as useless as the £424 million pounds the UK Government spent on Bird Flu antidote (Tamiflu), which didn’t actually cure you of the disease. Returning to polymyxin, it cures (cured) gut infections, urinary infections and blood infections, unfortunately now it doesn’t. In two countries more than 4000 miles apart they discovered that the aggressive bacteria has now evolved, invalidated the antibiotic’s defenses and is now immune to any and all currently developed immunization techniques. Indestructible, incurable infections all round.

hack a hairdryer

In other news this week, scientists once again, proved that although they can understand the very fabric that instigated the creation of our entire universe, they are absolutely baffled on how to approach and talk to woman. In a campaign so laughably bad, it’s amazing to think initially it must have been thought of as a genius idea. IBM the multi billion pound, world renowned software company, attempted to entice more woman to work in the industry by running a #hackahairdryer campaign. IBM attempting to connect to future female scientists, instead created a three minute “female orientated” ad on how hairdryer technology works. Effectively stereotyping half of the world’s population, into hair obsessed lesser beings.

Rounding up this weeks “Geekly News” Japanese scientists, proving again why the rest of the world (Elon Musk excluded) are absolutely rubbish and should give up, developed a hologram that you can actually touch.

ice shelf

Finally it appears that human beings in fact know absolutely nothing. Most of the time “the art of science” appears to be metaphorically lobbing a dart a dartboard blindfolded, 8 million times and recording the most common result as fact, rather than probability. The reason for this? Scientists discovered this week, that the Antarctic Ozone Hole has expanded this year, the overall temperature of the earth has increased, the current El Nino is the worst recorded in the history of the planet. All very well and apocalyptic I hear you say. But the strange thing is…The circumference of the Greenland Ice Sheet is actually increasing at the minute. Which is almost scientifically impossible. Ponder that.

Until next week folks that was your “Geekly News”.